Once I wallowed in the darkness of the void
That darkness darker than the night
Ever searching, ever groping, ever longing
My hands clutching shadows that slipped through my fingers.
Lost in a maze without meaning, without purpose, without destination
I wandered in a dry and waterless land
My soul aching for something or someone to give me hope
An experience to justify this pitiful existence.
How I yearned to escape the absurdity
I clung to my individuality, my uniqueness, but in vain
Having rejected You I acknowledged that all was One – ever turning, all encompassing
And within this Monolith “I” was an illusion.
How I longed to communicate – to understand and to be understood
How I longed to reciprocate – to love and to be loved
How I longed to impose my will – to create and to be created
But how could I escape the Monolith?
Mindless forces, endlessly indifferent, from the dawn of time
Blindly marching on, from everlasting to everlasting
Laws of nature too powerful to escape
Leading me, guiding me, shaping me, informing me, fating me.
I was but a cog in the wheel
One piece of the machine
And even this wasn’t real
For everything was One and “I” was an aberration, a twisted trick of nature.
My thoughts were merely a chimera
Every doubt, every fear, every belief, every feeling, every passion was an inevitability
A destiny set in stone by the cold, irrational, unconscious, laws of physics and biology
Since the dawn of time.
Reason and rationality became but a farce
I groped aimlessly in the night
For “I” was but the dust in a star
Like grass, my puny body would deteriorate and die
My atoms scattered to and fro . . .
And so it was that I sank into the pit of despair and hopelessness
Where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
But You, my Beloved, drew near in my distress
You who made blind eyes see, shattered through the night
Piercing the darkness with your unapproachable light
Illuminating my mind and reviving my heart of stone!
Through You, O Lord, we may see existence as an act of love
Ultimate reality as an intimacy shared between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
The eternal wellspring of personality, communication, and love
The perfect communion of three distinct personalities sharing one
nature, energy, and will.
For in You, O God, is perfect community, true intimacy, and pure holiness
It was out of this love that You gave birth to the Universe
Speaking into existence something other – yet still reflecting Your incomparable beauty
A supreme act of Self-Giving.
And You imprinted Your image and likeness upon it
Creating other distinct personalities capable of communication and love
That they, too, though finite and limited, might share in the wonder of your eternal glory
and experience the delight of Your All-Holy Spirit
Even now You lovingly maintain the order and harmony of the Universe
Fixing the laws of nature, those models of elegance and simplicity
Maintaining regularity – the ebb and flow of matter and energy
That we may live and move and have our being.
Ever communicating Your love!
Ever revealing Your heart!
Ever beckoning us to abide!
That we may join the everlasting and harmonious community of the Blessed and most Holy Trinity
Come let us abide in You and You in us! Amen.