I could combine the two into one series, but that would take longer to write and require more research. However, since it seems an equal number of readers want to see both, I’ll combine them, but place an emphasis on the rationality of theism.

No idea on how long it will take to write the series, merely that it will be the next series I publish. It could, however, be a few months!

Just as a banana is an atheist's greatest fear, Kirk Cameron is the Tribulation's greatest fear. Here we see Cameron stare the Tribulation into submission.

(A note: This is all meant in good fun, with a bit of serious reflection at the end. Also, this isn’t directed at those who were duped, but at Harold Camping who did the duping and made a fortune off of it.)

As we all know, the rapture occurred yesterday, May 21, 2011. After all, what else could explain the absolute silence of Harold Camping in the absence of earthquakes at 6pm in every timezone? Perhaps they were spiritual earthquakes. Who knows.

But since you, like me, are left behind™, perhaps we should consider what to do now. If you see Kirk Cameron or Brad Johnson, keep in mind that it’s all in the script. What should we expect now? After all, now that the rapture has occurred, there’s going to be massive amounts of judgment hurled our way until it all goes *BOOM* on October 21, 2011, or thereabouts.

Thankfully, before Camping slipped the surly bonds of earth to go up to the Spirit in the sky, he imparted some of his knowledge to moi. Having studied Revelation and coming to an absolutely perfect knowledge of what the writer intended – since I’m now in tight with God and all – here’s what we can expect, or at least here’s a rough timeline:

• June 1 - The One World Government will be established. To show how evil such a government is, Quebec will break away from Canada prior to the establishment of this government and then become the lead nation of the One World Government; there’s nothing more evil than French-Canadians.
• June 1 – July 1 - There will be relative peace during this time. Wars will cease, armies will give up their weapons, and Philadelphia will lose all their sports teams in order to secure a greater peace.
• July 4 - There will be a famine of epic proportions when the Johnson family runs out of hot dogs for their 4th of July cookout. The Johnson’s will attempt to buy more from their neighbor Mr. Blackwell, but he will respond, “$15 for a bun and $20 for one hotdog!” (Revelation 6:5-6)
• July 9 - Lady Gaga releases a new album featuring Katy Perry. The vapid nature of such music is enough that multiple people’s brains simply stop functioning after hearing the song. (Revelation 6:7-8)
• July 10 - The two witnesses – Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron – will begin to preach that we are in the Tribulation. The message will begin, “A lot of you doubt we’re in the Tribulation. But let me show you the ultimate defeater to your argument, your worst enemy. Here we have the banana…” (Revelation 11:3-6)
• August 10 – A third of the earth will be destroyed, the oceans will dry up, and a giant mountain will be thrown to earth when it’s revealed that the OWN Network is moving up Rosie O’Donell’s show to the late summer. This is why the angel cries out, “Woe, woe, woe to those who dwell on the earth.” (Revelation 8:7-13)
• August 23 - the Antichrist (note: Camping wasn’t clear on who the Antichrist is, merely that he is possibly a New York Yankee, and of course this makes perfect sense) will be put down and appear to be dead, but to the chagrin of all who love the good and holy will raise back again (further proof that the Antichrist is possibly a New York Yankee). (Revelation 13:3)
• September 3 - the Abomination of Desolation occurs when the Ohio St administration accidentally allows Jim Tressell to coach his team to victory against mighty Akron. Tressell will later say that he was unaware that he was, in fact, suspended from coaching, but later emails will show that he knew he was suspended all along. (Daniel 9:27)
• September 17 - The False Prophet arrives in order to speak of how great the Antichrist (New York Yankee(s)) is/are. Again, Camping isn’t clear, but he suspects that it will be an ESPN analyst as they tend to show love to the Yankees through thick and thin. (Revelation 13:11-15)
• September 30 - Shortly before the start of the NBA 2011-2012 season, the Heat will increase their roster to include Blake Griffin, Kevin Durant, and Kobe Bryant. Lebron James will be quoted as saying, “We’re not going to win 2, 3, 4, or 7 championships. We’re going to win, like, infinity.” (Revelation 16:8)
• October 8 - The final Battle of Armageddon is waged when God leads the forces of good (University of Oklahoma Sooners) against the forces of evil (University of Texas Longhorns). This will fulfill a double prophecy based on a minority Septuagint manuscript of Psalm 75:10, which reads, “And I shall saw off the horns of the wicked, but the schooner of the righteous shall be lifted up.” It will also fulfill the prophecy of Armageddon.
• October 21 - The Cleveland Indians will jump to 2-0 over the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. However, after Cleveland enjoys their second straight shut out, God will consume the earth in fire and end the world as we know it, thus preventing Cleveland from bringing home a championship that they were almost a shoe-in to win. This event will go down in Cleveland as, “The Burn.”

What you need to be aware of is that there are actually more events that will occur; these are simply the biggest signs to look for. Chumbawamba will release a single, Glenn Beck and Keith Olberman will co-host their own show titled, “I’m Sorry, We Were Wrong,” Congress will pass a law (nothing specific, just that a law will actually pass), and George Lucas will opt not to ruin the “Star Wars” movie series anymore than he already has. Gary Busey will actually begin to make a lot of sense. We ought to be prepared for these things to happen, as it is all on the horizon.

___________________________________________

On a more serious note, just as many predicted yesterday there was no rapture, no judgment, nothing; the world simply kept rotating. This isn’t because God is a liar or because God doesn’t exist, but because sometimes humans have a tendency to get ahead of themselves. This is especially true when it comes to the “End Times.”

While there is nothing wrong in studying our ultimate end or in hoping for the resurrection – in fact, we are called to do this as the resurrection gives purpose to all that we do – we must never forget that we still live in the here-and-now. For every debate we have over whether or not Jesus will come before the Tribulation or after the Tribulation (or if there is a Tribulation), how many children go hungry, how many men cheat on their wives, and how many souls are lost forever? While some debates are worth having, how or when the end will happen just isn’t one of them.

We shouldn’t obsess over the end, but simply accept that it will one day occur and we should prepare for that day. We should prepare by helping those around us now and working to bring them a taste of God’s coming kingdom while we still live in the now. Perhaps we should reflect on these words:

“The time of the kingdom is secret…Thus, we should live everyday as if we will be judged” – Bede

“He indeed said that he will come, but he did not define when, so all generations and ages thirst for him” – Ephrem of Syrian

Their ministry is reaching out to the growing artistic community in Montrose, TX (suburb of Houston) in a way that invites creative faith. It’s a good project and both men have a great heart and mind for Christ.

Go look at the site and if you can help them in any way, feel free to contact them.

Feel free to look at the website, especially those who are in high school or know people in high school. Yet another school to look at!

The second thing I’m doing is attempting to bring on some other authors. I’m willing to look at anyone’s writings to either publish them once or add them as a contributor. If you’d like to be a contributor, submit a summary of your article and a statement of doctrine via the contact form and I’ll get back to you.

All I ask is for the author to ascribe to certain orthodox tenets in order to be a contributor. Contributors, however, who will only post one or two times a year, I might show a little leeway and let them publish their ideas, so long as they understand I will publish a response to them as well. After contributing for a while, a person can then become an author.

Comments will be shut off since I have no way of moderating or interacting with commenters. Comments will resume once I am back in town. I will simply create an “open thread” discussion on the posts I made and if anyone desires to make a comment, ask a question, or challenge something I said, they will be more than free to do so in those open threads.

Suffice it to say, I think I have found a new favorite website.

So when all the recent conference talk and paying quite a bit of attention to it, I decided to have some fun and make some predictions on what I think conferences will look like starting at the 2012-2013 football season:

BCS Conferences that will no longer exist:

Big XII, Big East

New Conference Looks:

ACC – Conference championship would be played as normal. Atlantic Division winner would play the Coastal Division winner.

Atlantic Division

Boston College, Cincinnati, Connecticut, Florida St, Maryland, North Carolina State, Syracuse, Wake Forest

Coastal Division

Duke, East Carolina, Miami, Memphis (for basketball), North Carolina, South Florida, Virginia, West Virginia

The Big 16 - Conference Championship will be played either in Detroit or in Minneapolis, maybe both and switch back and forth every year. The game will be played against the Eastern Division winner and the Western Division winner.

Western Division

Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Northwestern, Wisconsin

Eastern Division

Michigan, Michigan St, Notre Dame, Ohio St, Penn St, Pittsburgh, Purdue, Rutgers (there’s a chance Syracuse could take Rutgers’ or Pittsburgh’s position, but not likely)

The Pac 16 (or, after they dominate, they’ll be called “The Sweet 16″) - Conference championship site will alternate between the new Texas Stadium in Arlington, TX and the Rose Bowl in California. The game will be played against the Eastern Division winner and the Western Division winner.

Eastern Division (Range Division)

Arizona, Arizona St, Colorado, Oklahoma, Oklahoma St, Texas, Texas A&M, and Texas Tech

Western Division (Southwest Division)

Cal, Oregon, Oregon St, Stanford, UCLA, USC, Washington, Washington St

Mountain West (they will be made a BCS conference) - Conference championship game would be played in Denver every year. Other alternative is it would be played in Phoenix and Kansas City every other year. But Denver is centrally located to most of these schools.

Western Division (Mountain Division)

Boise St, BYU, Colorado St, New Mexico, San Diego St, UNLV, Utah, Wyoming

Eastern Division (Plains Division)

Air Force, Baylor, Houston, KU, K-State, SMU/UTEP (most likely SMU), TCU, Tulsa

SEC – Same set-up for the conference championship they have now

Western Division

Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn, Kentucky, LSU, Mississippi, Mississippi St, Vanderbilt

Eastern Division

Florida, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech, Tennessee, South Carolina, Clemson, Louisville/West Virginia (West Virginia will be the first choice, but they may opt for the ACC for basketball and an easier football schedule. Louisville would get the invite over FSU, Miami, or South Florida because (1) Florida uses their SEC membership as a recruiting tool, (2) none of those schools fit the SEC atmosphere, and (3) Louisville is a natural rival to Kentucky in basketball and if nothing else, could help increase the SEC’s stature in basketball)

On paper the strongest football conferences would be, in order:

The Pac 16 or SEC (this would be a toss-up)

The Big 16

Mountain West

ACC

The strongest basketball conferences, on paper, would be

ACC

The Pac 16

The Big 16

SEC

Mountain West

Due to all the shifting and how this would work in other sports, I think official realignment and conference play would begin in June 2012 (thus proving the Mayan calendar correct). In football, we’d see this begin in September 2012.

The great thing is that the BCS would re-revaluate how the championship is done. With 5 superconferences and looking at the left over teams, the chances of a non-BCS team being worthy to compete against a BCS team are slim to none. Even if a team like Arkansas St or Utah St somehow goes undefeated, it would be against other weaker teams, so the debate we ran into last year (with an undefeated TCU and Boise St) would be less likely to resurface.

With these five superconferences, you can use your BCS bowls as a type of a playoff. Say the Mountain West winner, Big 16 winner, and SEC winner are all undefeated. The Big 16 winner has one loss. You play the Big 16 against the Pac 16 in the Rose Bowl (so bowl contracts are appeased) and the Mountain West winner and the SEC winner against each other in the sugar bowl. The winners from those two bowls then face each other 1-2 weeks later in the BCS Championship Game.

The BCS will be forced to move to a system like this. The great thing is it becomes a mini-playoff that doesn’t conflict with school schedules. Likewise, you get to keep the bowl games, which brings in revenue and, let’s face it, who doesn’t love bowl season?

Thoughts?

Recently, I’ve had three or four people post comments on my blog that were very well thought out, very respectful, and very interesting. The problem is, I hardly have time for even a simple discussion, much less one that requires me to think. I don’t see my time freeing up anytime soon, except on weekends, which is when I generally try to reply to comments.

So please, if I don’t reply, do not take this for a lack of interest or me giving up or just trying to ignore you. I simply do not have the time and for that, I apologize. I feel like my lack of time is robbing me (and others) of a very good and informational discussion.

Also, if I get similar comments, what I’ll tend to do is just make a big post to deal with them as an overall topic (if I can even get around to that…well researched articles are sparse on this site for a reason).

The sad thing is, this might as well sum up liberation theology.